If you’re already familiar with this phenomenon from my posts, you can jump to the alphabetized list of definitions. You’ll find an explanation of all this after the graphic in case you aren’t.
I couldn’t help but tweak a few definitions upon collecting them — around 400 of them now — for this page. As the number of entries has grown, I’ve also taken it upon myself to prune out the lesser of a pair of very similar entries. Occasionally, I’ll even outright delete ones that just don’t hold up; my blog, my rules.
Anyone who ever left a comment on a blog during a particular era will recognize
It’s a check put in place to help ensure that comments are the work of humans and not spam ’bots. On blogs hosted by Blogger that have commenting enabled, amongst the info at the footer of a post (labels, timestamp, and so forth) is the number of comments. Clicking on that text takes you to the comments page or to a pop-up window where you can read comments left so far and submit your own through a box that used to look like the one in the screenshot image above but has since changed more than once.
If word verification is turned on, below the comment box will be a jumble, or a pair of jumbles, of letters that often could almost make up an actual word — as opposed to the total mess of consonants and numbers seen when filling out forms online elsewhere — but don’t (unless the randomizing algorithm ends up with an actual word by accident, which does happen). You must type those letters correctly for your comment to be accepted. Some bloggers have moderation enabled for recent, or all, posts — also or instead of word verification — in which case your comment won’t be posted until it has been reviewed by the proprietor of the blog.
It wasn’t long after I began commenting on blogs that I took to inventing a definition for the verification word at hand and sharing it in the comment that it accompanied. I use the would-be words I’m given exactly as they appear except to introduce capitals to certain entries so they’ll scan as proper nouns or abbreviations. The idea is similar to yet rather the opposite of Sniglets, which Rich Hall popularized in the 1980s on HBO’s Not Necessarily the News and then a series of books. I’m not claiming to be either the first or the best at this, but the periodic posts of my efforts get a good response and I figured that it was time to collect all of them in one place.
In case you’d rather read the definitions via their original posts — some have content beyond the definitions, but it’s mostly me complaining about stuff, and some to several may currently be missing content or down entirely while the work of cleaning up old HTML gremlins is undertaken — here are links.
• “Mean” (Dec. 4th, 2009)
• “Meaner” (Jan. 15th, 2010)
• “The Key of F’d Up” (Mar. 24th, 2010)
• “Even Meaner” (Apr. 10th, 2010)
• “Meaner Still” (Apr. 21st, 2010)
• “Mean Business” (May 16th, 2010)
• “Mini-Slog with Meaning” (July 13th, 2010)
• “Meanwhile” (July 31st, 2010)
• “Mean Time” (Sept. 21st, 2010)
• “Holiday Meaning” (Dec. 11th, 2010)
• “M Is for...” (Feb. 21st, 2011)
• “Def. Jam” (June 7th, 2011)
• “Meaning, Muggled” (July 19th, 2011)
• “Old and Mean” (Oct. 14th, 2011)
• “Yucky and Mean” (Dec. 2nd, 2011)
• “Late and Mean” (Jan. 28th, 2012)
• “Clean and Mean” (Apr. 1st, 2012)
• “Midsummer’s Meaning” (Aug. 5th, 2012)
• “The Meaning of It All” (Oct. 14th, 2012)
• “Meaning Less” (Dec. 11th, 2012)
• “Mean and Done” (Jan. 21st, 2013)
That last entry is probably the last one ever, as Blogger and other platforms have moved on to different verification methods. You’ll notice that it was a while before the parts of speech and pronunciation guides started to show up.
I don’t use actual phonetic symbols, so here’s a brief guide to how vowel sounds are represented.
a — cat; slap
ah — hard; fog
aw — taught; broad
ay — paper; tray
e, eh — get; end
ee — leaf; machine
i, ih — bit; flip
y, iy — right; psycho
o — lord; sure
oh — hope; road
oo — boot; glue
ow — cow; house
oy — toy; foil
u — would; look
uh — cut; love
• A •
abendsl — [uh bend sull] n. #2 graphite stick, when you’re congested.
actato — [ak tay toh] n. A spud that doth trod the boards.
afenemat — [uh fen uh mat] n. What you lay outside to welcome visitors who insist on entering through the window.
adangst — [ad angst] n. Dread over commercials.
adynog — [ad ee nahg] n. (Spanglish) Having promotional material in one hand, a traditional Yuletide drink in the other.
afflu — [a floo] n. Virus commonly caught by Matt Damon and Jennifer Garner.
agamsee — [uh gam see] phr. Edward G. Robinson pointing out some dame’s leg.
androjor — [an dro jor] n. Robot duplicate of Superman’s Kryptonian father.
angrater — [ahn gray tur] n. Kitchen aid for shaving Japanese red-bean paste.
anharrit — [an ha rit] v. What the mique shall do to the urrth.
antanaut — [an tuh nawt] n. One who travels among insects (cf. Henry Pym).
antebibi — [an tee bee bee] phr. How Netanyahu’s poker buddies remind him to throw in the opening chips.
antick — [an tik] n. 1. Ye olde foolish behaviour. 2. Half ant, half tick.
apersed — [a per sed] n. “&” with a cold.
aphyla — [ay phy luh] pl. n. Items belonging to no particular taxonomic category.
applayer — [ap play ur] n. Someone hooked on their smart-phone games.
apocrod — [a poh krahd] n. Farthest point away from the crod. (antonym: pericrod)
archMC — [artch em see] n. Preeminent (or sly) rapper.
arrater — [ahr ay tur] n. Someone who decides that pirate movies have too much sex, violence, or profanity for PG-13.
assfu — [ass foo] n. Martial art based on literally kicking your opponent’s butt.
ashible — [ash ih bull] adj. Made of such substance as will be reduced to powder by burning.
auxuxe — [awks yooks] n. Ukeleles reserved for emergencies.
• B •
BardaPH — [bahr duh pee aytch] The acidity content of Mister Miracle’s wife.
barifti — [bahr eef tee] pl. n. Ftarbuckf employeef.
bedness — [bed niss] n. Whedonesque term for sleeping: “After a night like that, I’m just looking for some quick snackage and the bedness.”
BenCur — [ben kur] The (sadly unsuccessful) all-dog production of Ben-Hur.
Bewowsor™ — [bee wow zur] “New from RonCo! A device guaranteed to fascinate your friends and loved ones! What does it do? It fascinates your friends and loved ones, we just told you. Order today and get not one but two Bewowsors for the price of one... You pay only shipping and handling. Does it work? Didn’t you just order two?”
beyacho — [bee ah choh] n. If you’re, like, so over the word “frenemy” but a total beyotch has become a muchacho, just let ’em know that you’re proud to call them your new beyacho.
bilatin (1) — [by lay tin] v. Workin’ that two-party magic.
bilatin (2) — [by lah tin] n. Version of Pig Latin used as code amongst the set that has, as Woody Allen put it, twice as many potential dates on a Saturday night.
bininsic — [bin in sik] n. Quick explanation for lack of activity outside the home.
BlyRasta — [bly ra stuh] Nellie going Jamaican.
bledlump — [bled lump] n. A smidge of clotted exsanguination.
boation — [boh shun] n. Movement on a seafaring craft.
Bonfoca™— [bahn for kuh] The miracle drug for astigmatism: Bonfoca. Ask your doctor about it today!
Bonicen™ — [bah nih sen] Multi-vitamin for folks age 100 and up.
boophala — [boop hah lah] n. A shout-out from Ms. Betty.
botica — [bah tih kuh] n. The study of ’droids and other ’tomatons.
Boxidect™ — [bahks ih dekt] It’s ten — ten — ten boxes in one!
bousnext — [booz nekst] phr. The way the maitre d’ at a tacky Halloween-themed restaurant greets folks in line.
boyawk — [boy awk] n. A young male bird of prey.
brawlyst — [braw list] n. A practitioner of the pugilistic arts.
brevo — [bree voh] n. A snippet of applause.
brinewe — [briyn yoo] n. A saltwater sheep.
britend — [brit end] n. 1. A bum (not a panhandler; rather, the buttocks region) in Merry Olde England. 2. Farthest point of the United Kingdom’s territorial waters in the English Channel or Atlantic Ocean.
brqua — [burr kwah] n. (Spanish) Ice water.
bucritas — [buh kree tahss] pl. n. A Mexican dish made from pirate meat.
bustort — [bus tort] n. Legally actionable incident on public transportation.
• C •
Cablegra™ — [kay bull gra] The World’s Best Incomplete Cablegram Service.
cacturne — [kak turn] n. Short, romantic piano composition about desert plants.
calvic — [kal vik] adj. Having a stuffed tiger that comes to life when nobody else is around.
cansidal — [kan siyd uhl] adj. Of and/or relating to the material printed on condensed-soup containers.
cardosm — [kard ahz um] n. The result of enjoying shuffling a bit too much.
CaterB — [kay tur bee] The craft services table on Sesame Street.
caticeph — [kat ih sef] n. A being with a feline head.
cesinema — [see zin eh muh] n. The niche film genre concerning movies made about the alkali element Cesium. (It’s rare but it tends to get really big reactions.)
cheness — [chay niss] n. Qualities held by Sr. Guevara.
chirk — [churk] n. An obnoxiously noisy little bird.
chormur — [kor mur] n. That murmur in the audience between songs at the school-chorus concert.
civerse — [sy vurs] adj. Just one letter’s worth less multifaceted than diverse.
Clola™ — [cloh luh] Clam-flavored cola. [Don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it.] [Uh... But don’t try it.]
clonyma — [kloh nee mah] n. Your mother’s genetically engineered duplicate.
coape — [koh ayp] n. Your gorilla sweetheart.
cobside — [kob syd] adj. Near an ear of corn.
colifou — [koh ly foo] n. French bacteria strain that takes your sanity.
Colognet™ — [koh loh net] The first cable channel devoted exclusively to smelling nice.
comackin — [koh mah kin] v. Mutually suckin’ face.
comotin— [koh moh tin] n. A shorter-than-expected commotion.
compi — [kahm piy] n. Toast for a gratis helping of 3.14159 oz. of saké. (Ooh... Multilingual humor!)
conesses (1) — [kah neh siz] pl. n. Lady tricksters.
conesses (2) — [koh ness iz] pl. n. Men sharing the lead role in The Untouchables.
consi — [kahn see] phr. How you confirm that you would like sour cream with your burrito in a Mexican restaurant.
consoler — [kun son lur] n. The person standing right over there, there.
copedall — [koh ped ull] v. Get everyone working on a tandem cycle moving in unison.
copone (1) — [kahp wun] v. Get handsy.
copone (2) — [koh pohn] v. Make cornbread in tandem.
coryo — [kor yoh] phr. An unsuccessful attempt at merging British and hip-hop slang.
CountOG — [kownt oh jee] The rarely seen “original gangsta” version of Sesame Street’s Count von Count.
cramocho — [kram oh choh] v. The act of stuffing eight Spanish items into a small area.
cragbio — [krag by oh] n. History of a jutting rock (published, of course, by Tor Books).
cronisin — [krohn iz in] phr. “The withered old lady will see you now.”
cryop (1) — [kry ahp] n. Surgery to remove lachrymal glands.
cryop (2) — [kry oh pee] n. Freezing of the 16th letter of the alphabet.
cztory — [ztoh ree] n. A Slavic tale.
• D •
dabless — [dab liss] adj. Lacking hair product.
dalog — [da log] n. (chiefly Irish) A record of your father’s whereabouts.
Dannick — [da nik] Danica Patrick’s name at high speed.
daymews — [day myooz] pl.n. My cat’s morning wake-up sounds.
dectus — [dek tuss] n. A catcus as big as ten normal cacti.
defiblex — [dee fib leks] v. How to stop Luthor’s heart arrhythmia.
dehortic — [dee hor tik] adj. Of the removal of one’s encouragement.
DEINGAC — [dee in gak] After ENIAC and UNIVAC, the computer that started thinking it was a god.
delitai — [deh lee ty] n. An enormously unsuccessful cocktail made from rum, fruit juices, and cold cuts.
Demactic™ — [dem ak tik] Probiotic yogurt for non-Republicans.
demist (1) — [dee mist] v. Absorb humidity.
demist (2) — [dehm ist] n. Follower of Ms. Moore or Ms. Lovato.
derbsaly — [durb suh lee] adv. About or referring to a horse race (or a sporting contest in general): “Derbsaly speaking, Kentucky is my favorite.”
dessi — [deh seh] n. An unfinished French drawing.
Dewsquil™ — [doo skwil] The sniffling, sneezing, aching, coughing, stuffy-head, fever, so-you-can-condense-on-the-lawn medicine.
diatypn — [dy uh ty pin] n. Usage of more than one keyboard simultaneously.
dingated — [din gay tid] adj. A fancy-schmancy way of describing what happened to your car: “I’m glad we’re insurified, ’cause that gentleman dingated our left bumpular area.”
dingdoc — [ding dok] n. Popular subgenre in Australian cinema of nature films featuring wild dogs.
distendee — [diss ten dee] n. A swelled guy.
distra — [dih stra] wd. frgmt. Expression often used by easily confused or inattentive people: “Sorry I couldn’t talk before; I was distra... What’s that?”
dogroti — [dog roh tee] n. Indian puppy bread.
Durefear™ — [door uh feer] Long-lasting frightfulness at your fingertips, new from the makers of Phobiall™!
• E •
ecovis (1) — [ee koh viss] n. An electronic covis.
ecovis (2) — [ee koh vyz] pl. n. An environmentally friendly pair of Levi’s jeans.
EleRIP — The only legible letters left on Eleanor Rigby’s tombstone.
eless — [ee less] adj. 1. What I am far too often when the Internet connection conks out. 2. What the world will be if we don’t work to stop the tragedy of Global Vowel Dissolution. 3. What this sntnc (actually, fragmnt) is.
Emusal™ — [ee moo sahl] “Do you resemble a large, flightless Australian bird more and more with each passing day? Emusal is guaranteed to not only halt but reverse this and other embarrassing avian transformations!”
endene — [en deen] n. The last molecule of unsaturated hydrocarbons containing a double bond we will ever create or discover.
Ennismic — [en iss mik] adj. Of or relating to the writer of Preacher, Hitman, The Boys, et al.
enzies — [en zeez] n. Adorable catalytic proteins.
entheist (1) — [en thee ist] n. One who worships the 14th letter of the English alphabet.
entheist (2) — [ent hiyst] n. 1. Theft from one of Tolkein’s tree-people. 2. Break-in at an otorhinolaryngologist’s office.
eouns — [ee ahnz] pl. n. Variant British spelling of eons: “That is my favourite colour in eouns.”
epersons — [ee pur sunz] pl. n. Folks with a Second Life.
equam — [ee kwahm] n. A unisex Native American dwelling.
equit — [ee kwit] v. Take a sabbatical from online activity.
ermend — [uhr mend; ee ahr mend] v. Fix someone up in the trauma center.
errific — [er ih fik] adj. Exceptional at making mistakes.
Essencei™ — [eh sen say] The cologne for hard-working dojo masters. “You chop the sandalwood in half. We combine its fragrant oil with hints of strawberry and musk. Essencei.”
eurth — [yurth] n. Ground bordered by the Atlantic Ocean, Africa, Asia, and the Arctic Circle.
eusnots — [ee yoo snahts] pl. n. Stuck-up visitors from abroad.
exest — [eks est] adj. The most former of something.
exEST — [eks ee ess tee] n. A transplant from the Atlantic coast of North America.
Exhiali — [eks hee ah lee] Alien race of heavy breathers.
explo — [eks ploh] n. A dynamite convention.
extoc (1) — [eks tok] n. A broken clock.
extoc (2) — [ex tee oh see] n. A previous table of contents.
ExTru — [ex troo] What Eliza Dushku was after she was ExFaith and before she was ExEcho.
• F •
facangsh — [fuh kangzh] n. (onomatopoeia) The sound of dropped pots and pans.
failfle — [fayl ful] n. A failed waffle.
falsider — [fawls sy dur] n. A bogus hot apple drink.
fanti — [fan tiy] 1. adj. Simultaneously admiring of something and in opposition to it. 2. pl. n. More than one bargain-brand soda.
feconde (1) — [feh kund] n. A tie for first and second place.
feconde (2) — [feh kund; fee kund] n. An extremely quick pregnant pause.
fendamal — [fen duh mal] n. A bad dent on the side of your vehicle.
fergpod — [furg pahd] n. How new singers for The Black-Eyed Peas are grown.
fiaugho — [fiy awg hoh] phr. Archaic expression of disgust directed at a lady of the night who only operates during the eighth month of the year.
fiersh — [feersh] excl. Drunk Christian Siriano’s catchphrase.
Filetro — [fih leh troh] Supervillain known for boning his victims. (You know what I mean.)
firefib — [fiyr fib] n. Lies about arson.
Fitican — [fih tih kun] The workout room at the Holy See.
flaugg — [flawg] v. Beat one of the Peanuts characters with a stick.
Flumenta™ — [floo men tuh] The first FDA-approved treatment for psychic influenza.
Flutrina™ — [floo tree nuh] Nutritional supplement formulated for wind-instrument players.
foniq — [fah nik] adj. Of or relating to idiosyncratically spelled rapper’s handles.
forized — [for iyzd] adj. What you become when you put on your glasses.
frisaint — [frih zaint] n. The sensation of lacking the thrill that those around you are feeling.
funce — [funss] n. Enjoyable action that can’t be repeated.
• G •
Gapia — [gah pee uh] Melting-pot country of Denims and Khakis.
gewse — [gyoos] n. A very British goose.
ginears — [jin eerz] n. Bad hearing brought on by a state of drunkenness.
grandunc — [grand unk] n. Your mom’s or dad’s mom’s or dad’s bro.
Grango™ — [gran goh] The energy drink for active seniors.
grizato — [grih zah toh] n. Italian ice cream made from brown bears. [No animals were actually harmed in the creation of this definition.]
gundowar — [gund uh wor] n. A battle of stuffed animals.
gyrat — [jy rat] n. Twirling vermin.
• H •
harbity — [har bih tee] n. Living peacefully by the coastline.
HawnIs — [hawn iz] Goldie’s Facebook setting.
healinc — [heel ink] n. A medical conglomerate.
heirdays — [air daiz] pl.n. Celebrations of those who will inherit what’s yours when you’re gone.
hemizend — [heh mee zend] n. Where East meets West.
hestes — [hess teez] pl. n. What revealed the Greek goddess of the hearth to actually be a dude (Roman version: vesticles).
hextrine — [heks tryn] n. Six threes.
hobbi — [hah bee] n. The avocation of a Tolkein enthusiast.
HoLac™ — [hoh lak] Infant formula for the “working girl”.
horsogi — [hor sahg ee] n. The result of leaving your foal or filly out in the rain.
hugenias — [hyoo jee nee uhz] pl. n. Really, really big gardenias.
hybrita — [hy brit uh] n. A cross-species water filter.
hydrex — [hy dreks] n. 1. A divorced Atlantean. 2. A deceased many-headed snake. 3. The remains of a creme-filled chocolate sandwich cookie (syn., depending on brand: formoreos).
hypoos — [hy poos] pl. n. Canadian needles, eh.
• I •
icabblis — [iy kab bliss] n. A state of nirvana attained by riding in a WiFi-enabled taxi.
icind — [iy sind] n. A bitter combination of ice and wind.
iciND — [ee see en dee] phr. How French people explain that they’re in Fargo.
IMManor — [iy em mahn ur] What the folks who got rich from inventing instant messaging call their estate.
incesect — [in seh sekt] n. A bug who does it with his/her family.
incide — [in siyd] n. Death that be not al fresco.
iness (1) — [iy ness] n. The being of me.
iness (2) — [in ess] n. The state of being surrounded by sibilance.
inglid — [ing lid] n. Cap on a jar of gerunds.
injug — [in jug] prep.; n. Where Hulk find moonshine!
• J •
jaccul — [zhah kool] n. The whirlpool at Vlad the Impaler’s castle.
jarrebox — [jar boks] n. A jukebox that only plays Al Jarreau. (He’s done more than the Moonlighting theme, y’know.)
jintly — [jint lee] adv. How you put down something breakable in Australia or New Zealand.
• K •
kabed — [kuh bed] n. The noise made by an exploding futon.
• L •
lacti — [lak ty] pl. n. Milk-producing desert plants.
ladvat — [lad vat] n. Melting pot for reconstituting unwanted male members of the Legion of Super-Heroes.
larystab — [lah ree stab] v. How Lary kil hiz naybur. Lary a badd man. Wach owt for Lary.
laspep — [lahs pep] n. Spanglish for “cheerleading squads”.
lathicar — [la thih kar] n. A mobile bathtub.
leupsyz — [loop siz] n. The alignment of sun and moon in syzygy as seen from the Bavarian village of Leupoldsdorf.
lidysion — [lid ee zhun] n. The pricicple of physics by which bottlecaps stay on.
litade — [lit aid] n. Cool summer drink made from water and freshly squeezed used books. (Talk about pulp!)
literecu — [lee tur eh kyoo] n. Metric amount of pan-denominationalism.
litin — [lit in] n. A peaceful demonstration held by smokers.
lizerap — [lih zuh rap] n. A reptile bustin’ rhymes.
loqui — [loh kwy] pl. n. Positions of talkativeness.
lubjus — [loob zhyoo; loob zhoos] n. French beef stock used to reduce friction during lovemaking.
luouser — [loo ow zur] n. The loser who brought lice to the luau.
luretrom — [loor trahm] n. Short for luretrombone. Brass instrument hexed with aphrodisiac spell.
Lytor — [ly tor] Planet with a Butane atmosphere.
• M •
manemob — [mayn mob] n. A throng of fans that attacks a teen idol because of his hair.
mantab — [man tab] n. 1. Indentation personified. 2. (ManTab) The #1 best-selling diet cola for dudes. 3. [MANTAB] A screwed-up vanity plate for the Batmobile.
marvitat — [mar vih tat] n. Habitat of the Marvel Family. (q.v. Fawcett City; Rock of Eternity)
MasCom — [mahs kahm] The Spanish conglomerate that brings you more of everything.
matheth — [math eth] v. Perform equations in Shakespearean Geometry.
matiest — [may tee est] adj. Having the most Australian friends.
matsomat — [maht suh mat] n. A coin-operated dispenser of unleavened bread.
matterns — [mat urnz] pl. n. Patterns that matter.
maxic — [mak sik] adj. Of and/or concerning ankle-length skirts, feminine-hygiene pads, or the main character of Where the Wild Things Are.
menta — [men tuh] n. (Yiddish) A psychic yenta (the most dangerous kind).
merfloth — [mur floth] n. What a lisping sea siren uses for oral hygiene.
micess — [my sess] pl. n. Archaic feminine plural of “mouse”.
Mingons — [ming ahnz] pl. n. Villains in the Star Trek / Flash Gordon mash-up.
mispi — [miss py] v. “Three point one fiv— Wait! I mean... Ah, heck.”
misolit — [mee soh lit] n. Emerging genre of stories about Japanese seasoning.
misthro — [miss throh] n. One way to mark an error in Phonetic Baseball.
mistylog — [miss tee log] n. What you get when you have to hose down the fireplace.
Mixen — [mik sin] Santa’s bartending reindeer.
modad — [moh dad] n. 1. Extra fathers. 2. (comics fans only) Modok’s dad.
monab — [mahn ab] n. What a dude with a six-pack (cf. “The Situation”) will have if he lets himself go.
mookd — [mookt] v. (p.t.) Toined inta some kinda knucklehead, see.
mormant — [mohr munt] n. The exact second you realize you’re dead.
MyStyMe — [my sty me] The home magazine for pigs, from the publishers of Architectural Digest.
• N •
Naffula — [nah fyoo luh] Dracula’s sister’s son.
natants — [nayt nts] pl.n. Mutants whose strange looks and abilities are manifested immediately at birth.
Nausol™ — [naw sol] The world’s leading nauseating aerosol product.
nestini — [ness tee nee] n. Cocktail made from gin, vermouth and twigs.
nforpork — [en for pork] n. Variable in a gastronomical word problem.
ningic — [nin jik] n. Ninja magic.
noget — [noh get] n. A chewy confection that you’re not allowed to have.
nonan — [noh nan] n. A passel of toddlers on the loose.
nonlyin — [non ly in] n. Tellin’ the truth.
norecal — [noh ree kal] n. An inability to get back units of energy.
normen — [nor men] pl. n. Guys from Scandinavia.
notess (1) — [noht tess] n. A lady jotter-downer.
notess (2) — [naht ess] n. bee, cee, dee, arr, tee, vee, etc.
Nourn — [norn] A Viking goddess of fate (British spelling).
• O •
Objecto — [ub jek toh] The great 19th-century magician and defense attorney.
oclamo — [oh clam oh] excl. Invocation of the great mollusk god.
olexcurl — [oh leks kurl] phr. Superman taunting his bald arch-enemy with the forelock on his lush head of hair.
ontonic — [ahn tah nik] n. Mixer used with spirits imbibed by philosophers debating the nature of existence.
opmew — [ahp myoo] n. The commentary section in cat newspapers.
Osplashi™ — [oh spla shee] A popular Japanese water park.
ouctions — [owk shunz] pl. n. The practice among underground S&M clubs of selling pain to the highest bidder.
ouvivers – [oo vee vurz] pl. n. French people who ask you where you live.
ovenba — [uh ven bah] n. What you don’t want to hear when cooking lamb.
ovent (1) — [oh vent] n. An exhaust valve for an egg.
ovent (2)— [uh vent] n. Nickname for category in the Kitchen Olympics.
ovise — [oh vize] v. Provide guidance on egg-related matters.
oxorber — [oks or bur] n. Collector of bovine eyeballs.
oyshille — [oy sheel] excl. Short for “Oy, shillelagh!”, an interjection often used by Irish Jews.
• P •
pacton —[pak ton] n. A subatomic particle that promises not to collide with any other particles if they reciprocate.
palverse — [pal vurs] n. 1. Friendly poetry. 2. Alternate reality where everyone’s your buddy.
panthyl — [pan thul] n. Part panther, part pterodactyl, all awesome.
pargenes — [pahr jeenz] pl. n. DNA that results in average looks and intelligence.
parib — [pah rib] n. The bone of Adam’s from which Eve was made.
Parim — [par im] n. An average Purim.
parkingi — [par kin gee] n. A traditional martial-arts uniform worn by valets at the dojo.
patizzle — [pa tih zull] n. Where Snoop Dogg enjoys his lemonade.
pective — [pek tiv] adj. Afflicted by nervous spasms of the chest muscles.
peeste — [peest] adj. How Inigo Montoya feels before finding the six-fingered man.
peeven — [pee ven] v. Annoy producers, castmates, and theatregoers by dropping out of a play due to Mercury poisoning.
phated (1) — [fay tid] adj. Destined to meet at gunpoint aboard the Enterprise.
phated (2) — [fat ed] n. Classes that teach you to be totally funkilicious.
Phystio — [fih stee oh] A boxing magician popular in the late 1800s.
pholes — [fohlz] pl. n. Young male horses genetically engineered for cell reception.
plogi — [plohg ee] n. A particularly plump pierogi.
podyne — [poh dyn] n. A rather pathetic unit of force.
poldo — [pahl doo] n. Hairstyle of one running for elected office.
polog — [poh lahg] n. A badly done introductory section.
popier — [poh pee ur] adj. Having a greater amount of papal qualities.
poweries — [pow uh reez] pl. n. Cheap housing districts for down-and-out superheroes.
preAmons — [pree ah munz] pl. n. Really, really, really old Egyptian gods.
preashes — [pree shiz] v. Delivers a sermon while inebriated.
predly — [pred lee] adj. Deadly in a predatory kind of way. “I think that dude over there is a vampire. I’m getting a predly vibe off him.”
premprot — [prem praht] n. An estrogen-based android.
prence — [prenss] v. Dance around British coins.
prenect — [pree nekt] v. Know in advance how you’re going to attach something.
presi — [pree see] v. Anticipate that someone is going to answer in the affirmative, en español.
pressho (1) — [preh shoh] n. Magic word of a drunk magician.
pressho (2) — [press hoh] n. Call girl catering to journalists.
pringall — [prin gall] n. The nerve it takes to eat the very last potato crisp in the can.
procut — [proh kut] n. What you long for after your mom decides she’s just as good as a barber.
prodgi — [prahd ghee] n. A kid who’s extremely good at putting on his judo outfit.
proinger — [proh in gur] n. One in favor of certain verb suffixes.
Pronato™ — [proh nay toh] n. A brand of vitamin for expectant mothers.
prophant — [prahf ant] n. An oracular insect.
provirt — [pro vurt] adj. In favor of high moral standards.
Proupsi™ — [proop see] Sparkling cola beverage unsuccessfully marketed to admirers of French authors.
psitin (1) — [sit in] n. A non-violent protest held by espers.
psitin (2) — [sy tin] n. The ability to mentally control one particular metal.
pumince — [poom inss] n. Finely chopped cougar.
pundie — [pun diy] n. Humorous wordplay fail.
• Q •
quang — [kwang] n. The sound a frying pan hitting a duck.
quintell — [kwin tel] v. Blab a secret to five friends.
• R •
radom (1) — [rad um] adj. Haphazardly missing letters.
radom (2) — [rah dum] n. Domain of the Egyptian sun god.
radom (3) — [rad ohm] n. A totally excellent meditative chant.
ratiop — [ray shee ahp] n. Clandestine mission involving relative values.
razonest — [ray zoh nest] n. A birdie berth made with sharp items.
recocoa — [ree koh koh] v. Enjoy a second cup of hot chocolate.
reesen — [rees in] v. Get your chocolate in my peanut butter, or vice versa.
refia — [ree fee uh] v. Get the Mob back together.
reggless — [reg liss] adj. Wantonly dismissive of the work of Bob Marley, Peter Tosh, et al.
remani — [reh mah nee] n. Gypsy who decides to stay in one place.
remisc — [ree misk] v. Decide something goes in the catchall category after all.
renes — [ruh nayz] pl. n. Women who should just walk away (per The Left Banke).
reploni (1) — [rep lah nee] v. Be an agent for Burt Reynolds’ ex-wife.
reploni (2) — [rih ploh nee] v. Answer someone using spiced sausage.
ressecti — [ree sek tee] excl. Hermione’s favorite spell in Wizarding Biology. (The frogs are still dead, but at least they’re back in one piece.)
ressu — [ress oo] excl. Scooby-Doo’s response to a sneeze.
retee – [ree tee] v. Post-Mulligan action.
retio — [reh tee oh; reh shyoh] n. Comparison of one eyeball tissue to another.
ruplize — [roo pleyz] v. Model oneself after the Drag Race host.
• S •
Saffisms — [saff iz umz] pl. n. Notable quotes from Edina’s daughter on Absolutely Fabulous.
sailati — [say lee ah tee] n. 1. The yachting class. 2. Italian style of ice cream... on a boat!
sectax — [sek taks] n. A tariff levied 60 times per minute.
sedatin — [sih day tin] v. Puttin’ somebody to sleep.
sequidern [sek wih durn] n. An ordered listing of Derns (Bruce, Laura, etc.).
sevist — [seh vist] n. 1. A fist made with seven, yes, seven fingers. 2. One who likes to cut things off. 3. Hip name for Seventh-Day Adventist.
shantoss — [shan toss] n. An edict against throwing things.
SinSin™ — [sin sin] The Devil’s breath freshener. (q.v. SenSen)
sioused — [soost] adj. All wet from a Native Dakotan rain dance.
sistrad — [sis trad] n. Group of female siblings.
sitare — [sih tair] n. A nasty look from Ravi Shankar.
slypi — [sly py] n. The number that Rocky Balboa counts out to as many decimal places as possible to cure his insomnia.
snall — [snall] n. Noise made by uppercrust English dogs.
soccusi — [sahk oo zee] phr. How an Italian pardons oneself for daring to refer to you-know-what as “football”.
soctin — [sok tin] n. A metal box for wool, cotton, or nylon footwear.
solegr — [sohl gur] n. A lone noise from an angry dog.
soliz — [so liz] adj. Like totally like Tina Fey’s character on 30 Rock.
SOSIN — [soh sin; ess oh ess i enn] n. A failed distress signal (acronym of “Save Our Ship, It’s... Never Mind”).
spale — [spail] n. What is cast by down-home country witches.
sparf — [sparf] v. Vomit while training for the big fight.
spitIV — [spit iy vee] n. A saliva drip.
Spones™ — [spohnz] “Do you like your soup served in edible bread bowls? Then you’ll love Spones: It’s a spoon... It’s a scone... It’s a Spone! And for you meat-eaters out there, we’re pleased to introduce Fporks, available now in the deli section!”
spolis — [spoh liz] pl. n. What beglons to teh vitcors.
squac — [skwak] n. A traditional Mexican dip made with avocado, spices, and yellow-crowned night heron.
squese — [skwees] n. The secret language of huggers.
squidre — [skwy dur] n. A young nobleman in charge of tentacled mollusks; contraction of “squid squire”.
stion — [sty ahn] n. A pigpen with a positive charge.
stroli — [stroh lee] n. 1. A very short stromboli. 2. A walk made more enjoyable with vodka.
stundial — [stun dy ull] n. A boobytrapped version of the ancient solar timekeeping device that paralyzes one’s enemies.
subtr — [sub truh] v. Take away the last few letters of a word. (You can then put them in a test tube and separate them in a — wait for it — subtrfuge.)
sumsab — [sum sab] n. Number of people in the congregation on Friday, Saturday, or Sunday depending.
supects — [suh pekts] pl. n. The people who probably ate your dinner.
suplamp — [suhp lamp] 1. n. A light fixture used at the dinner table. 2. phr. Casual greeting to that (or any other) light fixture.
suristi — [suh ree stee] n. Armed militia led by Katie Holmes’s daughter.
Syssinex™ — [siss in eks] “For those days when it just feels like every time you push a boulder up a hill it comes crashing back down, ask your doctor about Syssinex.”
• T •
tallysm — [tah lih zum] n. Severe neurological reaction to doing addition too quickly.
tatio (1) — [tah shee oh; tay shee oh; tat shee oh] n. Relative amount of one’s skin covered by body art to the amount still free.
tatio (2) — [tah tee oh] n. Jacques Tati’s patio.
tatriot — [tay tree ut] n. A spud that’s true to its country.
theden — [thuh den] n. Where TheAntiSpaceCoalition gathers to watch thetelevision.
Thesca™ — [thess kuh] Citrus diet soda made in Northeastern Greece.
thesqui — [thuh skwih] excl. Warning shouted in somewhat less than the nick of time during an attack by a giant cephalopod.
thloge — [thlohj] n. Slang term for die-hard student of God and religion. “You hear that guy goin’ on about the role of the redactor in crafting what we now consider the canonical Genesis? Man! Dude’s a total thloge!”
throban — [throh ban] n. An interdiction against tossing things.
TopoLido — [toh poh lee doh] Pool attraction featuring Aquaman’s octopus buddy at the Super Friends amusement park.
torchiti — [tor chee tee] pl. n. Small Italian fire-bearing devices.
trence — [trenss] n. A hypnotic state held for exactly three seconds.
troutic — [trow tik] adj. Of and/or relating to certain species of fresh- and saltwater fish.
tudier — [too dee ur] adj. Having more sass.
turcus — [tur kuss] n. 1. A turkey circus. 2. (Yiddish) A turkey’s behind.
• U •
unbunper — [un bun per] n. Pastry rationing in Franglais.
unatier — [yoo nuh teer] n. A single shelf.
uncest — [un sest] n. The realization that, whew, that wasn’t your cousin after all.
undoghth — [un dogth] v. Transform someone back from canine to human form, in Shakespearean English: “Ver’ly, I must needs undoghth the prince / Ere king and queen returneth home this night. / The barking doth not be what makes us wince / But th’ ignominy shouldst they suff’r his bite.”
unglatin — [un gla tin] n. A retranslation back from Pig Latin.
unifall — [yoo nih fawl] v. The least graceful way to dismount from a unicycle or unicorn.
unlizes — [un liyz iz] v. Takes off one’s makeup after performing in a Liza Minnelli tribute show.
unons — [uhn awnz] pl. n. The technical term for off switches.
unpicka — [un pih kuh] phr. Little-known code word in chess that, when shouted within five seconds of touching a piece, lets you select a different piece instead.
unpopple — [un pop ull] v. Let your soda go flat.
UnSemana — [oon sih man uh] Barenaked Ladies’ Spanish fan club.
USNAMPAS — [yoo ess nam pass] A joint project between the United States Naval Academy and the Association of Motion-Picture Arts & Sciences.
• V •
vashtipr — [vash tih pur] n. What a souse would call someone who leaves extremely large gratuities.
Vatero — [vah teh roh] Southwestern cattle-driving supervillain with the power to control giant tubs of liquid.
verment — [ver ment] v. Let a certain New England state break down chemically into alcohol.
verstcho — [verst cho] n. What Hitler thought he was watching at the end of Inglourious Basterds: “Dis ist de verstcho I haff effer seen!”
vocks — [vahks] pl. n. Voice-operated socks.
• W •
warfaere — [wor fayr] n. Mortal combat waged by pixies.
wavary — [way vuh ree] n. The undulation of the ocean.
werea — [wayr ay] n. A shapeshifter who transforms into the first letter of the alphabet.
• X •
xyloge — [zy lohzh] n. The extremely difficult combination sport of xylophone and luge.
• Y •
yediv — [yee div] n. Opposite of yemult, learnt after yeadd and yesub.
YetiOne — Official designation of the abominable snowman assigned to the President of the United States on his secret excursions to the Himalayas.
yistable — [yih stay bul] n. Where yikeep yihorses.
• Z •
zygrate — [zy grayt] v. Shave off bits of a fertilized egg.