I haven’t entered The Late Show with David Letterman’s online Top Ten contest
[dead link] for a while. And it’s been longer still since I’ve posted any such entries here. Once upon a time, however, the former activity was a regular thing; I’d hoped it would lead to the latter becoming a regular thing as well, but, y’know, if wishes were horses then... Robin Williams could’ve voiced the Genie in Seabiscuit?
The point is that I’m again sharing my latest efforts. You can submit your own, as many you’d like, one at a time; I rarely come up with more than a few really good entries, plus a ringer that plays off Dave and his staff’s recurring jokes. So here are...
My Top Ten Things You Don’t Want to Hear on Your Cruise Ship
10. “All aboard for Somalia!”
9. “The ship can never lose power — as long as we all take turns running on that giant hamster wheel.”
8. “I don’t care how romantic the movie was; Titanic is not an appropriate theme for the lido deck.”
7. “Okey-doke now... You mama grizzlies come right this way!”
6. “I hope you know how to make a fire. Turns out the buffet is ‘all you can heat’.”
5. “Well, technically, your toilets didn’t ‘stop working’ since they never worked to begin with.”
4. “So are all the intercom announcements made by Gilbert Gottfried?”
3. “... And the good news is that we can use the dead rats for shuffleboard!”
2. “I’m your Cruise Director, Mel Gibson.”
And the Number One Thing You Don’t Want to Hear on Your Cruise Ship...
1. “Does anyone know how to contact Aquaman?”
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