Prom Numbers

I came up with a dozen entries for the Late Show with David Letterman website’s current Top Ten contest. You probably know the drill by now but in case you don’t there’s an explanation of how it works in one of my first blogposts — although winners no longer get prizes beyond satisfaction and bragging rights.

Categories are usually either seasonal or keyed to something in the news, and this week’s is no different, being...

My Top Twelve Least-Popular 2012 Prom Themes

12. Let’s All Judge Each Other One Last Time

11. Our Favorite Student/Faculty Romances

10. Party Like We’ll All Have Jobs

9. What Would Jesus Dance?

8. A Night Away from Algebra and In-School Day Care

7. Mimes! Mimes! Mimes!

6. Nothing but the Foxtrot

5. Embrace Your Acne

4. Hey... Remember 2011?

3. A Dialectic between Postmodernism and Traditional Literary Structures

2. Putting the “Prom” Back in Promiscuity

And the Number One Least-Popular 2012 Prom Theme...

1. The Hunger Games: 500 Students Enter — 1 Student Leaves

Related: Making Waves Harmony and Irony Down for the Count


  1. Ha! Numbers 10 and 11 are my favorite. We had a weirdo semi-permanent teacher who seemed to float around all year and then he ended up getting an 18 year old student pregnant. He was only 22, which is absurd. Who would hire a 22 year old guy to "teach" 18 year old girls and think "Yes, his dedication to his crappy, insecure job will prevent him from misbehaving. If there is anyone's judgment and ethics we can trust - it is his!" Not that what he did is okay but, really, the school should have taken some of the responsibility. He lost his job and she dropped out and we would see them walking around town and being gross together. My loser boyfriend (who I worshiped, naturally) refused to go to Prom and wouldn't "let" me go with another guy. I was crushed. Then he called me - on the day of the Prom - to say he had rented a tux. I was *thrilled* to be jerked around like this and actually went. Gah!

  2. Isn't "Let's All Judge Each Other One Last Time" the unspoken theme of every (senior) prom?

    My favorites are 11, 10, and 3, if you're keeping count.

  3. @Joan: Isn't "My loser boyfriend (who I worshiped, naturally)" the theme of every girl's high-school experience?

  4. @Arben -It's also supposed to say "whom", I know. I hate that Blogger won't let you edit your own comments - what is it they are so worried about? And yes, I think it is a rite of passage for all girls to love a loser. That's why god made birth control.


  5. @Joan: My loser boyfriend (who I worshiped, naturally)

    So Lana Del Rey really does speak to you. 8^)

  6. HA! Oh, it's on.

    The Gwyneth, what do you think about this whole thing? What, you want to randomly talk about your bookcase and how it is just ah-mazing? Whatever you want, The Gwyneth (but you already knew that)!

    Built-in slots hold holy books—including the Qur’an, Bible, and Tao Te Ching—all at the same level (which is how I like to think about religion)

    I think my heart just stopped.

    The words, they escape me.

    Honestly, The Gwyneth, how did we know what light was until you burst into existence?