I Sleigh Me

Last week’s Top Ten contest [dead link] at the Late Show with David Letterman website was even more inspiring than usual. If you don’t know the drill you can check out the first post in this category, so without further ado here are...

My Top Ten Little-Known Facts about Santa Claus

10. Born Seymour Klausmann, Brooklyn, 1926

9. Will get you on the “nice” list for twenty bucks and/or a bottle of Jim Beam

8. Goes down more than just the chimney, ladies

7. Eleven months out of the year, crash diets and works as Dumbledore at the Harry Potter theme park in Orlando

6. Holly Jolly Christmas: To you, it’s the name of a Burl Ives classic; to Santa, it’s the name of the gal who takes care of him in the VIP suite at North Pole Dancers

5. Doesn’t want to live in a world without Oprah

4. Belly shakes like a bowl full of jelly because, well, it pretty much is

3. Sired children on six continents (They don’t call him Father Christmas for nothing!)

2. Had the original Blitzen for dinner with some fava beans and a nice Chianti

And the Number One Little-Known Fact about Santa Claus...

1. The beard? It’s totally a weave.

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  2. A Special Boy should have gotten a message from Santa last night!!!


  3. A Special Boy did — but he isn't special enough to have dependable Internet service and couldn't watch it until tonight. I laughed out loud, Mrs. C., most loudly of all when your picture popped up. Thanks for that!