Feed Me Rewrite!

I was finally successful this year in not writing about the Oscars before or after the telecast. The bad news is that this wasn’t due purely to willpower; I’ve been sitting on this post for a while with the aim of running it on, as they say, Movies’ Biggest Night, but I couldn’t.

Sometime last year I came up with a couple of the following lines and realized that the concept would make a fun hashtag game. What you do is take a reasonably well-known quote from books or films and substitute one or two words with food. I’m very rarely on Twitter anymore, though, so I ended up just brainstorming a bit and setting the list aside to run on the blog as my...

Top Twenty Supermarket Lines of Dialogue

20. “All right, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my cold cuts.”

19. “Nobody puts baked beans in a corner.”

18. “Take your stinking pasta off me, you damn dirty apes!”

17. “It was the best of thymes, it was the worst of thymes.”

16. “Open the pad thai doors, HAL.”

15. “There’s no cayenne in baseball!”

14. “Oh, Stewardess… I speak chives.”

13. “You’ve got meat? Who’s got juice?!?

12. “Here’s looking at prunes, kid.”

11. “It’s the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsnips!”

10. “They… call… me… Mister Pibb.”

9. “Love means never having to eat salami.”

8. “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good pork chop must be in want of a knife.”

7. “There’s no pastry like scones… There’s no pastry like scones…”

6. “I’m Gotham’s oregano.”

5. “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a ham.”

4. “’Twas brillig, and the escargot / Did gyre and gimble on the plate”

3. “No, Mr. Bond... I expect you to diet.”

2. “Puny gouda.”

And the Number One Supermarket Line of Dialogue...

1. “Have fun storming the casserole!”

I hope you’ll add your own in the comments.

Related: Hungry Like Marv Wolfman Pre-Oscars Post Spamalittlemore


  1. "We're gonna need a bigger gravy boat."

  2. PS: "You've got meat? Who's got juice?" is one of the greatest things I have ever read.

  3. "I was born a poor black rye bread."
    "There's one thing I do know, son, and that is, you were sent here for a raisin."
    "I'm gonna make him a popover he can't refuse."


  4. // "There's one thing I do know, son, and that is, you were sent here for a raisin." //

    Perfect. (He said two years later... Sorry.)