All Right for Typing

'Saturday Night Live' title card

I hadn’t planned on reviewing Saturday Night Live in brief or at length anytime soon. But as long as I was pausing my VCR — yes, really — to read the quick-scrolling text from this week’s Fox & Friends sketch, I figured I might as well transcribe it to share on the blog before heading to bed. (And of course that led to me typing up my thoughts on the show in general.)

Here’s what zipped along the screen under the guise of what the fact-checkers had to say, in case you’re interested, copyright 2011 NBC Studios.

President Barack Obama’s middle name is not “Danger”.

First Lady Michelle Obama was born in Illinois, to human parents.

“The first trimester” refers to a stage of pregnancy.
It is not a Tom Clancy novel.

Libya is a country in Africa. It is not part of Saudi Arabia.

Singer Rebecca Black’s song “Friday” refers to a day of the week.
Not to a Chris Tucker movie.

The American flag does not have an eagle on it.
Nor is President Ronald Reagan’s picture on it.

Hawaii is part of America. Hawaiians are not of Arabic descent.

Lil Wayne is a popular hip-hop artist.
He has never toured with Wayne Newton.
Nor does Wayne Newton have a dwarf brother.

Apples are not vegetables. They are also not grown in Kenya.

Most scallops are edible and safe when cooked.

“Jai Lai” [sic] is a sport played on [sic] Florida.
It is not known if the activity is preferred by Mexican drug cartels.

Bruno Mars is an American pop singer. He lives on Earth.
He has never been indicted or convicted of organ trafficking.

Green is a color.

Moamar Quaddaffi [sic] is President of the country of Libya.
He has never driven a taxi for a living.

Ronald Reagan did not create the lottery.
Nor did he invent casual Fridays.

Jane Fonda lives in America.
She has never been photographed with Osama Bin Laden.

There is no, nor are there any plans for a, “Six Flags Baghdad”.

The Federal Food Stamp program was not created by Karl Marx.

Egyptians never had a mummy President.

Your sexuality is not determined by your blood type.
Nor is it determined by your enthusiasm about
the songs of Lionel Ritchie.

It is not possible to catch AIDS by having a beard.

The state of Massachusetts has never mandated that
Mohammed be put next to Jesus in Christmas nativity scenes.

The sun is not made of “hot gravy”.
It is actually made up of several gasses.

Cell phones do not cause chlamydia.

Filmmaker Michael Moore has
never shut down the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade.

Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas
never fought in World War II.
Nor was he ever given the “Congressional Medal of Truth”.

There is no such medal as the “Congressional Medal of Truth”.

A baby can only be created by sperm and an egg.
A homosexual cannot create a baby using trickery and the Internet.

Americans landed on the moon in 1969.
This was part of the NASA space program
and not to “get away from hippies”.

No-one has ever eaten a pizza with their butt.

Former President Bill Ciinton had nothing to do with
the Rebecca Black video “Friday”.

Related: All Right for Typing (Redux) Brittality My Other Saturday Notes

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