Oscars Beat

EW.com is holding an Oscars poetry contest.

You’re supposed to be able to enter via the PopWatch blog, where you can also read
the poem from a 16-year-old reader that launched the challenge, but as of yet there isn’t a link for that. I sent in the following by E-mail.

Oscar statuette

A Free Verse
On the Oscars

I liked Dave Letterman
Call me crazy
He’s certainly better than
Some we’ve had host
But I realize that most
Want someone squarer
Star power of Jim Carrey
Temperament of Jim Lehrer

Jon Stewart worked for me
So did Ellen
(Tho’ both were better on the Emmys
Which went to hell in
A proverbial handbasket
This year
No fear
The producers will realize
That more is less
But I digress)

Now Hugh Jackman
Of X-Men
An interesting choice
The guy has a voice
And he can dance
As he showed when he MC’d
The Tonys
Full speed
All that range
Just strange
To see the guy who was Peter Allen
Play Wolverine
On the screen

But why not?
This country’s a melting pot
The ultimate polyglot
Everyone can share
In the dream
Like Slumdog Millionaire
Indians and a Brit
Dev Patel
Have a hit
Doing quite well
So what are the chances
Everyone dances
A big Bollywood set piece
For all the Best Pic nominees?
I would pay to see
A cast of dozens get its kicks in
For a musical tribute
To Benjamin Button
Or Milk
Or Frost/Nixon

And speaking of
The Academy cried for mercy
When host Whoopi Goldberg
Got crude
Middle America wants less rude
Just a jab here or there
To take the hot air
Out of the stars and suits

You might say
Bob Hope would be too bland
Yet Borat
Sascha Baron Cohen
Would be to go in
The opposite direction
Too far
For the country’s predilection
I guess to bring
This meditation
To a distillation
On balance
We’re still
A Billy Crystal Nation

Related: Kodak Moments Pre-Oscars Post Crystalized